Our Ms. Amazing has found us :) We have a surrogate!!!!!

Words simply cannot describe the emotions running through my bones at the moment. I have never been so in awe of someone in my entire life. To offer the gift of life for someone else, and cherish and take care of that life until when we can take over is nothing but miraculous.

A very spiritual man from India recently gave me some advice. It was a time where I wondered if I should give up. It was a time where I wasn’t entirely sure I had enough left in the tank to continue on with such an emotional and difficult journey. With every high came twenty lows and with it the wonder of whether I could continue on this path. His wise words encouraged me on and it is the reason I am now where I am today.

“Never let the flame of hope go out. With hope in your life, no matter how bad things may be, Peace, Faith and Love may shine brightly once again”. With this was the image of a candle of hope. Over the past 6 months, I have hung closely to that single flame of hope – refusing to let it go out. Even when things seemed to be at the depths of despair and all doors were closed, I refused to let that flame dissipate – though at times it was weary!

When I first began speaking with this amazing lady, I daren’t get my hopes up. But I nevertheless enjoyed our conversations and we had a lot in common. We ended up speaking about everything under the sun for several weeks and I genuinely felt a special connection with her. People have spoken about speaking to potential surrogates as “surrogate dating” and it always made me giggle. At the end of a few weeks it occurred to me that, well…if this was a date – I would be really happy :). Again, not wanting to get my hopes up, I continued to just chat with her as I do with all my other friends and put the thought of surrogacy out of my mind. And I am so glad I did!! It was because of this, that she was able to see the real me. I didn’t even know at the time as I was being my usual self and it was this that convinced her that there was something here and I was the possible Intended Parent (IP) for her. She sent me a message that I will never ever forget and will cherish always as it means more to me than anything. She had told me that it was my constant support of her through a medical procedure she was having that gave her the real idea of who I was.

The fact that she wanted to go ahead was not my blog, not my story, not my illness, not Jamelia’s desire to have sibling but her connection with me and who I am as a person :). This humbles me and makes me feel so wonderful. She chose me because of ME and that we got along so well. Yay!! It makes for a wonderful and amazing future for all of us, and I truly will consider her like a sister for the remainder of my life.

After thanking her partner for lending me her body for 9 or so months, he responded with – its all good….as long as she comes back in near new condition!.

My candle of hope is far from extinguished! It is burning brightly and beginning to relight faith, love and peace. And thank you Kate for your auspicious gift – I think it worked!!

I have no words to describe the level of thanks and gratitude I feel today. I cannot begin to anticipate the overwhelming emotion yet to be experienced on this journey. But one thing is for sure. Our search for an Earth Angel is over!! She found us!! And what a Ms. Amazing she is 🙂

Hold on to your britches people….let the fun and happiness begin!!!!

I am not giving the baby up!

Everyone hears the negative stories on surrogacy. The story we hear is when the surrogate bonds with the baby or refuses to give the baby up. I recall watching a Dr Phil show years ago where a surrogate refused to give up the twins she was carrying for another couple. It is, I have to say at the top of my “worry” list. It would be less worrisome if it was a sister, family member or best friend carrying your child as a life long relationship has been developed. But I did wonder how it would be where people met initially  purely for the purpose of surrogacy.

When I met my previous surrogate who in the end was unable to carry due to her own health issues – it was something I was very open about and wondered how she would cope, although she LOVED being pregnant and she was looking forward to it again, I still wondered. I also researched a lot, and discussed and read in forums the viewpoints of these beautiful surrogate ladies. Some had never thought of surrogacy until their best friends couldn’t fall pregnant, or their sister or sister in law had issues with fertility or illness. But regardless of where the relationship arose, the answers have been the same. This baby is not mine.

Gestational surrogacy is where someone else provides their biological genetic embryo’s to be transferred into the surrogate. So although the surrogate is carrying this child, it is not genetically their own child. I still however know what it feels like to have a child grow inside you, feel the kicks, the movements and lets not forget the sleepless nights and kicks in the ribs! There is no denying you are carrying a child! So I still wondered how the surrogate would cope with doing this?

I recently followed a blog of a surrogate who had given birth to twins. She was completely prepared that she may have overwhelming emotion when she returned home. How would she cope now the child is born – what now? She recalled herself and her support network were prepared for there to be grief, upset and a multitude of emotions. What did she feel most? She felt guilt. Not guilt for giving birth to the baby – but guilt that she should have felt more attached! This was not something I had expected. She explained relief and guilt. Relief it was a success, joy that she could return to her own family, but guilt that she didn’t feel the same kind of love she felt for her own children. She explained it was love, but not the same. And it never felt the same. She cared for the child as she would an aunty, but was very happy to return to her normal life without any grief or depression. Overwhelming joy that she had given the gift of life.

I really wasn’t expecting that response! I also am sure it isn’t always the way, however most surrogates do state the same type of connections.

One beautiful surrogate who has been an altruistic surrogate twice here in Australia provided the most meaningful explanation to me. She was often asked the question by her family, friends and colleagues – I couldn’t do it? How can you give the baby up? Her response and explanation to me to ease my mind was this;  I am a surrogate, I want to give my intended parents the joy of a child – I am not carrying this child to be a mother. I am NOT giving this baby up, I am giving this baby BACK! This is their child, not mine – I am simply babysitting for a while while they are unable – when they are ready, I am just giving their baby back 🙂

I try to remember that, and also share that with people who are startled by my decision. From a surrogates perspective, I am not giving this baby up, I am giving it back 🙂